My heart aches, yearns for something that I can't define.



I will only look forward...

Just the other day Angela said to me with an annoyed tone in her voice. 'You haven't blogged in ages!' Mitch then added 'Yeah!' in a similarly annoyed tone. Seeing as how those two read my blog more than anyone I guess I need to deliver.
I'm not sure why I haven't blogged. Maybe because I've been busy. Maybe I have nothing to say. Maybe I'm just lazy.
I'm inclined to think it is a combination of all of the above.
So to make up for it here is a photo summary of the past few weeks:

 

A summary in words: I'm in a strange place at the moment. Standing on the edge of who I was and who I am. Now I just need to decide who I want to be. Its not really a difficult decision - who I am hates who I have been. But its time for me to walk away from the person I was and never look back. Who I am made to be and what I'm going to do next? I have no idea about that. Only that if it not from God I don't want it.

72 questions

Thanks pretty close.

I took a personality test today.
It was 72 questions about me.
It's strange to see a computer generated analysis of my personality.
I thought I would share.

This is me...

things that fill my brain

There are moments in my day to day life where I feel like I'm on an emotional roller-coaster. It's not hormonal or situation driven it's just like one moment to the next I'm feeling and understanding the world around me in a totally different way. I simultaneously experience good and bad feelings. Werido I know.

This last week has been like that. 7 days of up and down, round and round, loopy loop. It's just been one of those weeks.

Thankfully I have wonderful friends to keep me grounded and an awe deserving God who humbles me daily.

This week I'm making a point to remind myself to 'Cheer up Charlie'

These are some photos of a recent adventure to blue pools - a place where the wonder of Gods creation surrounds you and the laughter of friends reminds you that tomorrow is a new day.



the only thing I need to say

I wrote a super insightful blog then the wonders of glitchy internet stole it from me.
It did however make me realise that all I needed to say about the weekend is this.
I am not the same. If its not from God I don't want it.

faith like that

I am part of the fellowship of the unashamed. The dye has been cast. The decision has been made. I have stepped over the line. I won’t look back, let up, slow down, or back away.

My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future, is secure. I’m finished with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap giving and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need pre-eminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don’t have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk with patience, live by prayer and labor with power.

My face is set, my gait is fast my goal is Heaven, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are few, my guide is reliable, my mission is clear. I can not be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the adversary, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won’t give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, spoken for the case of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I must go ‘till He comes, give ‘till I drop, preach ‘till all know, and work ‘till He stops me. My banner is clear. I am a part of the fellowship of the unashamed.



- A final testimony by an African Christian just before he was martyred for his faith.

Mitch and Laurens not date.

When Angela asked where we were going I said 'far' When my mum asked I told her she look appalled. 'You couldn't possibly be going that far! For a wedding?!'

Well Mum we were going that far and yes Angela I was right it was far. Really far.

Friday night after Youth the ordeal begin.

Road block one: I hadn't packed my bag yet.

I kid you not at 10 o'clock a mad rush begin 18 hours from that moment we would be at the wedding but that seemed a life time away. With my bag around my neck I was madly throwing things in. Tooth brush. Make up. Dress. Shoes. Money. Phone??? No phone. Change of clothes. Did some one get the hair spray? Bible. Charger. Wait why a charger I still can't find my phone. iPod. Sunnies. That's it. Lets go.

At Stratford it dawned on me that I had never managed to find my phone. At Bairnsdale I remembered where I left it. By then it was to late, we were past the point of no return.

Not speeding but in a hurry.

Road block two: People need sleep.

This is a basic human necessity. So at 2 o'clock when the moon was making the world look beautiful and eerie and the kangaroos were out, when no servo sold a decent sausage roll and the word Cooma was making us laugh it was time to stop. The entire timing of our trip was calculated around maximum hours of sleep. So when we pulled into the rest stop to rest we didn't take a lot of notice of the surroundings. When we woke up we realized we had stopped in the most beautiful rest area we had ever seen. A nice place to brush my teeth before we got going again. The only down side was drop dunnies.

This is the first this I saw out the car window when I woke up.

Road block three: An actual road block.

Poor bloke it was a hot day (although I'm starting to feel like every day is a hot day in NSW)

Road block four: I don't know anyone.

I have found in my experience that it is a fairly acceptable to ask people at a wedding "Who are you here for? The bride or groom?" It gets awkward after that when you haven't actually met either of them. Even more awkward when you say the only person in the room you know is Mitchell and he only knows the Bride.

So there I was at a wedding surrounded by strangers. The ceremony was fine but the reception was to come. Before we sat down we invented a game. Read the names of the people on your table then try and guess who they are. We didn't get a single one right but we did manage not to look like total loners because we looked engaged in serious conversation (and really it was quite serious.)

Needless to say it turned out fine we had a good laugh with the people on our table. Had a huge laugh when they started toasting and I was 'cheers'-ing people I still hadn't met. Don't stress by the end of the night I was friends with the bride and had even gained some facebook friends.

Road block five: We still had to drive all the way home.

There isn't much to say about Sunday. It was long. Hot, Spent in the car.

We did stop at Mitch's cousin Heidi's place where their two kids proceeded to show me every toy and book they owned. (Thanks for the Thunderbirds education Toby.)

After that it was driving, and driving and more driving. There was a lunch stop in Wagga, a toilet break after Seymour and a dinner stop in Traralgon. Mitch and I did however manage to find the best way to pass the time. Our secret to surviving was measuring the trip in sermons. Spend some time listening to some good teaching and you feel like you have done something valuable and you have knocked an hour off your trip.

Really the text Mitch sent me when we got home sums it up.



First sign for home



'1,959.9km's

A wedding.

4 fuel stops.

A rest.

Countless bottles of water.

5 Sermons.

One stupidly ridiculous plan of a weekend.

Complete.'

　



All I can say Mitch is that you owe me.

no people were harmed in the making of the weekend*

The last 3 days, the weekend, the days between Thursday and Monday have been the kind of days that make you feel like you live in a movie. Not a dramatic kind of movie or an action thriller just a movie that makes you think ‘no one actually lives like that.’ This weekend we have lived like that. It’s hard to nail down exactly what was so cool and outrageous about it but I am going to try. First a time line of events, a brief but informative out line of the practicalities, times and locations.

Friday

9am – I start work at church Friday as normal. Hanging with Alison while I work with no idea what adventures the weekend will hold.

11am – Coffee.

12 noon - Lunch.

3.30pm - Up and down the stairs with the girls

6pm - Youth

9pm - Fireworks

10pm - Rain

11pm - Piano

Saturday

1am - Sleep

7am - Woke

8.35 - Woke - when did I go back to sleep?

10am - Study

12 noon - Coffee

1pm - Drove to Bairnidale

4pm - Attacked Angela

4.45pm - Speedy shopping trip.

5pm - Found Sam

5.30pm - Made dinner

6pm - Ate dinner

7.05pm - Movies

9pm - Marley Point.

- Popping Candy.

- Stalking cars.

- Ice-cream.

-The Sale Common.

Sunday

1am - Bed.

9am - Awake

10am- Church

12 noon - Adventure planned

12.30pm - Making lists.

2pm - Fish and Chips

5pm - Half a movie

6.30pm - Family dinner.

9pm - Half a movie.
11pm - Bed.

Good weekend sure but nothing about that makes it sound like a movie....

How about when you take this into account.

At coffee on Friday I made a decision about the rest of my life.

At youth we talked about having Faith.

We danced in the rain.

The piano was a baby grand in the deserted mess on base.

On Saturday night we enlightened Sam on all things fun in Sale.

I had a 20 minute chat the the guard on the RAAF Base gate.

We made lists about life, things we want to do, why you should marry us and why Mitchell shouldn't get a girlfriend.

We drove an hour to get chips.

Then we ate them in the back of Sam's car. All 6 of us.

Angela got Tartare Sauce squirted on her.

We washed Sam's car - and each other - at the car wash.

Family dinner was in reality Angela, Rus, Mitch, Kara, Sam, Mum and Booster.
It was at that moment that I looked around at my big mishmash of a family and thought this is like a movie. I live like this. I'm so blessed.
I should have taken more photos but I was to busy being awesome. So while I continue to story board in my head and add a sound track to the montage of this weekend, enjoy the photos that we did have the mind to snap.

 *Mitch was sort of harmed and there was an incident with a possum. 

while i should be studying

Its only the future of humanity. Investing in a Brighter Future.

Regrets collect like old friends, here to relive your darkest moments.
I can see no way, I can see no way. All of the ghouls come out to play.
But I like to keep some things to myself. I've been a fool and I've been blind I can never leave the past behind.
I can see no way, I can see no way.

 

But it's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

wordless wednesday : remembering to forget

wordless wednesday

P.s. The young man who took this in my presance sometimes takes beautiful photos and puts them here.

today

My little sister is one of my favourite people in the world
Angela, Lateshia and Mitch are some of the best friends I have ever had.

Jesus is the greatest thing in my life

I kicked the coffee habit and have taken up tea drinking instead

For the millionth time I have given up biting my nails

I have resigned to the fact that I may be a cat women in old age (Jac Pos has me re thinking this apparently you must smell like urine to qualify)

I don't wear purple. Ever.

Grapes are one of the best fruits around

Sale will always be home but I'm are ready to leave it

I work at DHS and mostly enjoy my job

I really feel like noodles.

That is where I am at today.

wordless wednesday : is is summer yet?

Wordless Wednesday



card carrying / glasses wearing nerd

That's right folks. Despite hours of conversation trying to convince sceptical friends that I have a brain tumour. Turns out I don't. I need glasses.
I was excited about getting my eyes tested. I wanted glasses. However I am now a little worried. I'm wearing them as we speak - or more as I type - and I like them but there are some things about glasses that no one tells you.

Number One: You can't glance up and down in glasses you have to actually lift you head otherwise you try and look though the frame you loose focus and spend the next five seconds wondering why you are so disorientated.
2: No matter how well fitted they are if you rase your eye brows they fall down your nose. Meaning you have to push them back up. Making you look like the snotty nosed nerdy kid in your grade four class.
Thirdly: There is about eighty seven million different styles to choose from and they all say something. Its important to get the right ones. But for someone who has never worn glasses how do I know what is right!
4th: If like mine, your glasses are for seeing things up close and you forget you are wearing them it makes you feel a bit sick when you look at far off things.
Finally: Even though I know they look good. When they are on your face thigh seem like the biggest thing out. Suddenly you are a nerd. An actual smart looking person. The expectation is high.

If you have been wearing glasses your whole life good on you its tough, Thanks for welcoming me into the club.

for fifteen years of friendship

I post a lot about Angela - granted she is a wonderful friend. She reads my blog even when its boring. Gives me advice even when I don't want to hear. She hardly ever steals the donna when she sleeps over. She thinks I'm funny and makes me smile. I have a whole lot of love for that girl. She has been my best fried for 10 months.

There is however another girl who can call herself best friend who I never seem to blog about. Its probably got something to do with the crazy lives we live. How we barely have time to say hey to each other let alone document our time together.

Lateshia this one is for you. The story so far.

Age 4 I was at school minding my own business when you arrived in my preppy class room with your long hair and Queensland tan. Who would have know as we discovered our names both began with 'La' and made plans to ditch your assigned buddy we would still be causing mischief today.

　

These photos make me laugh you have funny teeth and I look like Rebecca. Thank goodness we grew out of those days.

　

　

　

And these make me laugh because I can see we haven't changed at all. I think our face pulling skills might have even improved.

I thought it was about time I told you how much I love you. I appreciate you and everything you do for me. I can't thank you enough. From coffee and blueberry muffins to parking by the bridge and telling our truths. I will always be grateful to you and everything you put up with from me. Heres to you bestest friend and a wonderful 15 years. I'm looking forward to the next 15. We will be 34!!! Geez Louise.

Part I: The Great Chair-capades : Magic on the Nature Strip

The adventurous part of me would like to think it was a dangerous mission where it was us against the world. Everyone was any enemy and at any moment we could get sprung and slapped with a $1000 fine. In reality anyone we saw laughed at us or suggested ways we could fit unusually large but incredibly beautiful old blue chairs in small cars.
I'm getting ahead of myself. Read if you dare
"The Great Chair Chair-capades : Magic on the Nature Strip"

It began as many good ideas do on a Sunday after Church. (The 7th day of bean bags, Cup of Tea, late night beach trips and Ice-skating adventures were all ideas born out of Sunday afternoon tedium)
We find or heroes at Chair H.Q. about to stumble on the best idea yet.

I'm not sure if it was the sunny weather, the greasy chicken we had for lunch or the fact daylight savings makes people crazy but during the afternoon lull someone suggested that we go looking for hard rubbish. We can't remember who first mentioned it, all we know is that we were all suddenly intent on finding a chair or three to fix. Nine hours later there were three almost perfect chairs for fixing, a myriad of other junk in the backyard of Chair HQ and three exhausted girls laying on my lounge room floor eating dinner. It's on, chair make over step one is complete, bring on next week.






You know what they say: One mans junk is three girls afternoon entertainment and new project... is that right? Something like that anyway. 

seeker. lover. keeper.

Listen to them here please.

for my own benifit.

Today I was looking back over my year so far Its been a big one. January till September I’m going to give you the run down.

January:
2^nd: I visited Lateshia. We begin the planning for a Valentines Day party.

3^rd : Royce came home which I was excited about because…

4^th: …then the “Cup of Tea” gang plus Doug left for Wagga.

7^th: We enjoyed a bush dance in Wagga. Partying Menzies family style.

12^th: Ground Work Youth Theatre started writing a play.

17^th & 18th : My Cousin came to visit.

18^th: Lateshia’s cast came off.

19^th- 22^nd: Summer Camp.

25^th & 26^th: A group of us travelled to Melbourne to celebrate Australia Day!

February:

1^st: I had a lovely time having a picnic on my office floor with Lisa Hilliard.

3^rd: I did CRE training.
5^th: I attended Lisa and Derek’s engagement party.

11^th: We did a Minute to win it night at youth.

14^th: Lateshia and I pulled of an amazing dinner party with our favourite friends.

19^th: Sarah and Zac’s engagement party.

21^st- 25^th: The first of four intensives in Emerald. Filling my brain with stuff.

March:  

6^th: Iron and Clay came to stay.

11^th: Ida had a birthday.

12^th: Dave and Gwinn got married.

17^th: Handed in some assignments. Then off to small group.

19^th: Performed in ‘Faux : if you are happy and you know it, think again.’ The pay we wrote.

29^th: Started walking round the lake with Angela.  The beginning of a beautiful friendship.

April:

4^th: I got distracted.

11^th: I started my job at DHS.

14^th: I turned 19. I had a disastrous birthday.

15^th- Got sick and didn’t use my diary for the rest of the month.

May:2^nd-6^th: Went away to study again.

16^th: Stayed up late entering sports for SYG

17^th went to Melbourne for Hilsong One Day.

19^th: Angela had a wonderful birthday.

23^rd: I lost a friend.

28^th: Spent a lovely afternoon with Lisa and the girls at her kitchen tea.

June:

1^st-8^th: All I did was study, work and plan SYG.

10^th-13^th: SYG. With a quick duck back to Sale for Lisa’s hens night.
17^th: Made a decision that changed my life.
18^th: Lisa and Derek got married!

23^rd: Went on an adventure with Grant and Angela to Melbourne.

July:

1^st: Watched  Bell Shakespeare do Julius Cesar by myself.
16^th: Spent the day with Lateshia getting ready for her engagement party!
18^th -23^rd: Met the most amazing people, had the most amazing experience at the APYC conference.

25^th – 29th: Went to Emerald for the 3^rd time.

August:3^rd: Started 4 days a week at work.

10^th: Attended one of three workshops I had helped organise with Dr. Istvan Gorgenyi.
12^th, 13^th & 14^th: Watch my little sister play the French mouse in Alice in Wonderland.

18^th – 21^st: Spent time in Melbourne for work, then with Amy and then my Cousins.
24^th & 25^th: Adventured in the city with Mitch.

September:3^rd: A friend visited.

7^th: I had desert with an old friend.
8^th: Dragged Mitch to see A Midsummer Nights Dream so I wasn’t alone at the theatre again.
11^th: Went Ice-Skating with Mitch, Angela and Grant.

14^th- My mum turned 50.

17^th & 18^th: Escaped to Point Cook with Angela.
18^th: Had dinner with Lateshia for her birthday.
21^st: Had an amazingly interesting day at work. Going to court, seeing a client at the police station, and visiting a resi unit.
 
22^nd – Is today. I’m looking back at my year so far thinking wow I have done a lot of stuff. The real point I have learnt a lot. The Lauren I was on the 3^rd of January, or the 4^th of April or even 17^th of June, is not who I am today. I’ve change and learnt more than I could have imagined. Part of me is nostalgic remembering summer afternoons spent cursing around with friends. But I know that this year has been one to look back on and think wow that’s when I grew up. And I know that this summer will be something even better because of that.

All of that sounds like I think this year is over. When I flick my diary forward to see the fun times still to be had this year I get a bit excited 2011 has been so far and promises to be a year to remember.

Well done if you got to here with out getting bored.

can you see me now?

Well, anyway, I looked up and saw the very last thing I expected: a huge lion coming slowly towards me. And one queer thing was that there was no moon last night, but there was moonlight where the lion was. So it came nearer and nearer. I was terribly afraid of it. You may think that, being a dragon, I could have knocked any lion out easily enough. But it wasn't that kind of fear. I wasn't afraid of it eating me, I was just afraid of it - if you can understand. Well, it came close up to me and looked straight into my eyes. And I shut my eyes tight. But that wasn't any good because it told me to follow it.”
“You mean it spoke?”
“I don't know. Now that you mention it, I don't think it did. But it told me all the same. And I knew I'd have to do what it told me, so I got up and followed it. And it led me a long way into the mountains. And there was always this moonlight over and round the lion wherever we went. So at last we came to the top of a mountain I'd never seen before and on the top of this mountain there was a garden - trees and fruit and everything. In the middle of it there was a well.
“I knew it was a well because you could see the water bubbling up from the bottom of it: but it was a lot bigger than most wells - like a very big, round bath with marble steps going down into it. The water was as clear as anything and I thought if I could get in there and bathe it would ease the pain in my leg. But the lion told me I must undress first. Mind you, I don't know if he said any words out loud or not.
“I was just going to say that I couldn't undress because I hadn't any clothes on when I suddenly thought that dragons are snaky sort of things and snakes can cast their skins. Oh, of course, thought I, that's what the lion means. So I started scratching myself and my scales began coming off all over the place. And then I scratched a little deeper and, instead of just scales coming off here and there, my whole skin started peeling off beautifully, like it does after an illness, or as if I was a banana. In a minute or two I just stepped out of it. I could see it lying there beside me, looking rather nasty. It was a most lovely feeling. So I started to go down into the well for my bathe.
“But just as I was going to put my feet into the water I looked down and saw that they were all hard and rough and wrinkled and scaly just as they had been before. Oh, that's all right, said I, it only means I had another smaller suit on underneath the first one, and I'll have to get out of it too. So I scratched and tore again and this underskin peeled off beautifully and out I stepped and left it lying beside the other one and went down to the well for my bathe.
“Well, exactly the same thing happened again. And I thought to myself, oh dear, how ever many skins have I got to take off? For I was longing to bathe my leg. So I scratched away for the third time and got off a third skin, just like the two others, and stepped out of it. But as soon as I looked at myself in the water I knew it had been no good.
“Then the lion said - but I don't know if it spoke – ‘You will have to let me undress you.’ I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.
“The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know - if you've ever picked the scab off a sore place. It hurts like billy-oh but it is such fun to see it coming away.”
“I know exactly what you mean,” said Edmund.
“Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off - just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt - and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly-looking than the others had been. And there was I as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me - I didn't like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I'd no skin on - and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again. You'd think me simply phoney if I told you how I felt about my own arms. I know they've no muscle and are pretty mouldy compared with Caspian's, but I was so glad to see them.
“After a bit the lion took me out and dressed me –“
“Dressed you. With his paws?”
“Well, I don't exactly remember that bit. But he did somehow or other: in new clothes - the same I've got on now, as a matter of fact. And then suddenly I was back here. Which is what makes me think it must have been a dream.”
“No. It wasn't a dream,” said Edmund.
“Why not?”
“Well, there are the clothes, for one thing. And you have been - well, un-dragoned, for another.”
“What do you think it was, then?” asked Eustace.
“I think you've seen Aslan,” said Edmund.
The Voyage of the Dawn Treader – Chapter 7

road trip. girls weekend.

It goes like this. Angela and I needed out. Out of town, out of  Sale, out of the real world for a while. So we went, at 7 in the morning. First stop was Altona, then back across to Cranbourne, back over to Altona then on to Point Cook. There were many hilarious moments from adventures with shoe throwing morons at the skate park to delirious laughter at 11pm trying to make the bed. Here is a photo run down.

We packed,

buckled in Angus and Hector,

‘blasted’ the music and off we went.

 

We drove, 

 

saw a bandicoot

 

and watched my little (sort of) Cousins sleep.

 

We brought these.

We stayed here. 

 

We slept and woke up to this for breakfast.

Angela laughed at me like this.

 

 We filled up, 

had this for lunch and hit the road.

 

We played with these till Angela’s broke.  

We watched Sherraden,

 

she won these.  

I took a pay back embarrassing photo.

 

All in 36 hours.

It was full on and to be honest probably more exhausting than restful. It reminded me for the thousandth time why I love Angela and my family. Even apart form that the whole thing left me feeling quite chuffed with what two teenage girls are capable of packing into one weekend.